When you want to know the truth, ask a child. (Unknown)
My disability (triple amputee in a wheelchair) is a very visible one. It is noticed by everyone who sees me. Reactions are not so subtle and typically range from pity, shock, awe, fright, and relief it is not them. Many wonder what happened to me. It is quite normal to react to something out of the ordinary. I react too. The problem begins, however, when assumptions are formed based on a first impression or appearance alone.
Assumptions about me and my life are routinely made. These assumptions can be hurtful and upsetting. There is an enormous gap between these assumptions and the reality of my life. For example, despite how I look, many would be stunned to know that I actually work, drive, have no nursing care, have no specially modified home, and do not exist on public assistance.
Young kids, however, make no assumptions. They are genuine and honest. They ask questions no matter where they are or who is listening. For a young child, it is quite normal for them to stare. When they do, I smile and most always get a smile back. It is okay for them to ask, "Mom, what happened to her legs?” If they ask me directly, I offer an honest answer which most kids understand. I simply tell them, “God made me this way when I was a baby.” Most every kid pauses briefly as if to think that over, and then goes on to ask, “Why?” I tell them, “I don’t know why, but when I get to Heaven, I am going to ask.” This is usually all it takes. A 4-year-old once said to me, “Maybe God just made a mistake.” Well, who knows … maybe He did. What an innocent and refreshing conclusion.
Young children have not yet formed any assumptions of what I can or cannot do. They simply go on as if I can reach things, lift things, tie shoes, put hair in a pony, push them in the swing, etc. They see my wheelchair as a cool toy. It is quite rejuvenating to be with kids - they see me as I see myself.
Young kids, however, make no assumptions. They are genuine and honest. They ask questions no matter where they are or who is listening. For a young child, it is quite normal for them to stare. When they do, I smile and most always get a smile back. It is okay for them to ask, "Mom, what happened to her legs?” If they ask me directly, I offer an honest answer which most kids understand. I simply tell them, “God made me this way when I was a baby.” Most every kid pauses briefly as if to think that over, and then goes on to ask, “Why?” I tell them, “I don’t know why, but when I get to Heaven, I am going to ask.” This is usually all it takes. A 4-year-old once said to me, “Maybe God just made a mistake.” Well, who knows … maybe He did. What an innocent and refreshing conclusion.
Young children have not yet formed any assumptions of what I can or cannot do. They simply go on as if I can reach things, lift things, tie shoes, put hair in a pony, push them in the swing, etc. They see my wheelchair as a cool toy. It is quite rejuvenating to be with kids - they see me as I see myself.
Sadly, some parents whisk their child quickly away or try to divert their gaze, their attention, and their thoughts. This is, by far, more uncomfortable than the question itself. When this happens, it makes me feel diminished, like an object that needs an explanation. I feel bad for the kids who get treated by their parents as if they said or did something horribly wrong. An educational opportunity missed. After all, they did have a valid and reasonable question.
I don't mind kids asking me what happened on our first encounter, but it is offensive when adults ask. It is not appropriate - no more appropriate than asking why someone is blind or fat. I expect adults to have more etiquette than to blurt out a question like that. That kind of information is offered as friendships are formed, not just because we are in the same grocery line. If that were true, I would just wear a sign.
I know it is very awkward and embarrassing for parents when kids have no filter and they ask pointed questions loudly. It is hard to know how to handle such impromptu moments. I truly understand. As you have your conversations later in a more appropriate setting, keep in mind that it is not necessary to know how a disability happened in order to teach the appropriate behavior when encountering a disabled person. Kids often have it right - they treat a disabled person just like any other person. They may ask a question or two about the packaging but it ends there. I love kids.
I don't mind kids asking me what happened on our first encounter, but it is offensive when adults ask. It is not appropriate - no more appropriate than asking why someone is blind or fat. I expect adults to have more etiquette than to blurt out a question like that. That kind of information is offered as friendships are formed, not just because we are in the same grocery line. If that were true, I would just wear a sign.
I know it is very awkward and embarrassing for parents when kids have no filter and they ask pointed questions loudly. It is hard to know how to handle such impromptu moments. I truly understand. As you have your conversations later in a more appropriate setting, keep in mind that it is not necessary to know how a disability happened in order to teach the appropriate behavior when encountering a disabled person. Kids often have it right - they treat a disabled person just like any other person. They may ask a question or two about the packaging but it ends there. I love kids.
Please feel free to ask any questions you would like answered in future blogs or submit comments. I would love to hear from you.
